I've got a hole in my heart that doesn't belong to me.

Is there a word for this? I take on people's emotions and absorb them. Whether it be my friends, someone I've met, or a character in a book or movie (be it fiction or non-fiction). . . I simply feel too much for them. 

I've got holes in my heart that I don't deserve.

I've got wounds that weren't directed at me. 

This goes beyond sympathy or empathy. . . things stick with me and while I don't think about them, deep down I do remember them. And every time someone or something new stabs at me, it's all that much worse.

Maybe its a mix of depression and compassion. How the hell does that work? I've tried to look this up, but what do you look under? 'Painfully Compassionate'?? Compassion is supposed to make you happy too. 

I'm writing this as I google. I'm an internet-savvy hypochondriac. And the closest thing I have found is 'compassion fatigue' but that's still not quite it. 

I can't find anything that fits. If you know what I'm talking about, please comment! It would help.

I finished Twilight...

It's 12:04 am.

I finished the book in one day.

Despite classes and meals and a trip to the gym.

I think I only used a bookmark twice today.

It really was a book I couldn't put down!

I liked it far more than I anticipated... from what I gathered online I thought it was overrated.

I haven't loved a (new) book that much since I first read The Perks or Being a Wallflower.

Or Harry Potter. Or Running With Scissors. Or Invisible Monsters.

I guess I have a new top 5!

Apparently Edward Cullen is completely my type...aside from the vampire thing I suppose, but like Bella I could overlook it. He's old fashioned (or actually just old...) and breathtaking, stoic and strong, smart, I could go on but you know the type.

I also related to Bella a lot. Not the divorced parents or moving around. More like the fact that she was modest and not quite assured of what people saw in her, but not too much so - she didn't want to put a paper bag over her head or anything, but she still didn't understand peoples' feelings towards her. She was more affraid of needles than of Edward, as I would be. She loved books even more than music, as I do - though I'm sure she reads more of the classics. I'm probably nearly as pale as some of the Cullen's in the winter, and yet in the summer the only color i get is highlights in my hair.  And, of course, the fact that my mother always told me I was an 'old soul'. I was always wise and witty for a child, not to mention I had a few grey hairs at eight. I liked that we had that in common, you don't hear that alot.

Anyways, finally going to bed.

I ordered the next two books in the series.

They should be here in a week or so...I don't want to wait that long.

Perhaps I'll actually study.