Obama Rally, continued.

Here are some of the pictures that were published in my school's daily newspaper, all from our rally that made front page news for them :]

In the second picture, I'm in the far back of the crowd. I look awful, so I won't point myself out. 

In the third picture (last black and white one), my friend Josh is dead center, with our other friend Sarah to the right. They were on the opposite side of crowd than me.

Hope. Change. Relief.

This was my first election, and I am extremely proud to say I voted for Obama. In fact, I voted democrat across the board, literally.

About six other friends and I started a rally on the Quad at our school, Syracuse University. When not many people were showing up (we only had a dozen or so) we paraded around and collected people; when we got back to the Quad, hundreds of people had showed up - mostly as a result of us and our screaming, running, singing, etc.

I have some pictures and videos...I'll figure out the videos tomorrow. I forgot my real comera, so I ended up with just my cell phone at midnight on the dark Quad. Oh well, another rally at noon tomorrow!  

You ruined everything.

You tore my life apart, like you were a tiny little thread in a very big sweater, and I don't know how to sew. I guess I'll just have to learn.

On an even greater note;

A boy I knew killed himself. Hung himself while waiting to be tried in court. He was 19. I knew him, and his older brother and mother. They were some of the most fun, entertaining, nice people I've met. I only saw them on the 4th of July, but it was several years in a row. "Friend-of-a-family-friend" kind of thing. 

Out of all the hundreds and hundreds of attempted suicides in that facility in the last 13 years, he was one of only three who had ever succeeded. I really, truly, wish he hadn't. 

Last time I saw him, I didn't remember him. And I didn't say hello. I feel like I may vomit right about now.

Fear and Pessimism.

I fear love nearly as much as I fear death; which is more than anything in the world.

I fear death of others more than death of myself, though the ending and uncertainty of it all kills me (figuratively, I didn't mean it as a joke.)

I fear love because of death. Death can claim the people you love. Your "one true love" even.

I realize why I hate romance movies. I hate not having what they have, but I fear what they have even more.

"Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

Titanic: a story with an ending. was it happy? NO.

I let myself do this, though I don't know why. 

Breathe in. Exhale. 

More than just a "rut"

So, I started seeing a psychologist through school...I think I've said that before, along with how 99% of what he guesses about me or tells me is true and makes perfect sense. He guess what my parents were like. He guess what I was like in a lot of ways. Hell, he told me what I was like even though on some level I already knew...

I have to go get tested for ADHD. I could skip that and go right to medication if I wanted, but if I get the testing done I would get disability and accommodations at school.

My mom has mixed feelings. . . she feels like employers would look down on me for my "disability".

Sorry, what? It's not like I'm severely disabled. I have a bit of a fucking concentration problem! Get over it. 

It's like a weight is off my chest now that this is in the air...

but he gave me a few pages of information to read - yeah, okay. Cause reading through packets of info is totally my strong suit! Ahem, what have we just established? Oh, right. 

Anyways. Time to attempt to study for a test on Thursday. Other than that "weight off my chest" - today was a completely SHIT day. Completely. And I don't know how my mood can fluctuate so much in a matter of hours. Ugh. More issues to iron out of my system.