Prom was...

Pretty.
Stereotypical.
Classy and trashy at the same time.
BORING.

We went to Wegmans after prom all dressed up, and the people there loved us.
We bought energy drinks and went back to my friend's house, lounging for a couple hours until the after prom party.
Then we went to the after prom thing for about an hour. There were food, games and inflatable bouncy things (like basketball and a battle-type game), and silent auctions.
I won a laundry basket with lime green hangers and towels...for free. Not bad I guess.
We got bored and went back to Alex's house again.
And woke up today around noon.
All in all the night was good, but a huge pain. Next time I get THAT dressed up, I want it to be for something classy and not for a school function.
But hanging out with my friends is never a dull time, we decorated the minivan that we rode up to prom in, and did things our way.
It's just one of those experiences that you have to get over and done with.

Here's a picture of us in Wegmans. (L-r; Claire, Alex, Nate, Marcus, Pat.)

I Live in the Future.

Maybe it would be more correct to say I live for the future. But my point is, it's all I think about. This is both a flaw and gift, I suppose. I don't dwell on the past - hakuna matata, and all that jazz. I know that deep down I may regret things I've done, but I put it all behind me. And at the same time, I hardly pay attention to the present. I'm always worried about what might happen, what I want to happen, and what could go wrong. I wish I could "live in the present" like a lot of people I know. Then again, maybe it's a good thing I have goals and concerns? I guess I won't know until the time comes.

Doubt.

I always try and rationalize everything.
It never, ever works. Not really.
Maybe I "figure it out" enough to let the topic slip from my mind, but I'll never fully understand some aspects of life.
And although I may obsess over finding a reason, I'm glad I can't.
It's like having one life goal, and completing it. Then what's next?
I avoid this by having goals a-plenty, and questions galore.

The one thing I try to rationalize more than anything else is myself. My opinions, my feelings, my flaws. I try to find the reasons and instead i just come to realize that I am who I am, and I'm alright this way.

People just don't make sense to me. I don't make sense to myself. I know that humans are complicated, but I still feel that there is some kind of key to understanding us. Maybe I'm crazy.

What I am good at is identifying my feelings, my opinions, and my flaws. And I stick to them.

I'm not your typical girl. I want to be independent, but I want someone to love and love me back. I need to make it on my own, but I do want someone there with me. I'm a vegan because I KNOW that its right. I choose not to believe everything the media and government tells me, because its all bullshit. I know I never want a normal white-collar job. I know I'm afraid of ridiculous things, but I can't help it. I know I'm loud and obnoxious, but its my honest personality. I want to be a photographer, follow my heart, and travel the world. I want so much more than being content.

I always doubt myself. In my ability to trust, love, and not get hurt. And yet I never doubt my ability to go the distance in life, to achieve my goals. Maybe my doubts are fears.

And then.

I realized that I never finished the thought to which I actually made the title of my last blog. The coincidences part. Here's where I feel like I'm trapped inside this habit of connecting everything. I feel like people I meet and characters I read about all become a part of me.

Basically, I found myself walking and reading on my way home today. And the main character of the book was the type who would do just that. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe in cause and effect.

Then of course, there's the fact that I decided I really wanted to move to London because of the culture and the style and all. Then I become addicted to British musicians and television shows. Then we watch SiCKO in economics. I don't believe this is a coincidence either - it something bigger.

And no, I'm not talking about God. I'm agnostic, for future reference/concern/etc.

I still haven't mentioned this blog to my friends. Maybe I'm afraid that they'll actually read it, maybe I'm afraid that they won't.

Cycles and So-Called Coincidences

First off, I'd like to point something out - and this probably has to do with my constant addiction to change and my severe problem with finishing things. It shouldn't, and doesn't, matter if I post five times in one day and then not at all for weeks. Maybe one day I have an excess of thoughts that I want to write down, and sometimes I have nothing I deem worthy. Same goes for length; maybe a few sentences to get my point across, but more likely than not, several paragraphs.

As we're on the subject of time anyways. It's just a unit. I feel like I'm stuck in one of those magical realism novels that we're forced to read in IB English. Like Water for Chocolate, for example. (It was one of the few books I actually read completely. Maybe it's my own form of defiance, but I don't enjoy reading books that I'm assigned.) Time in that book was cyclical, and lately I feel like I've been going through cycles that I should have picked up on by now. People say I'm observant, and I agree.

I get in habits - whether it be days, weeks, or even months - of doing certain things. Sometimes its the type (or amount) of movies i watch or books I read. I like when it feels like things are all coming together. Sometimes I like reality, sometimes I like fiction. Sometimes I like to point out how they're not all that different.

Right now I'm reading Things Change and Schindler's List. The first is about your typical high school situations. The characters are juniors and seniors, so I don't feel like I'm 'above' what they're going through. The second is about a German man who saved more Jews during the Holocaust than any other single person. I like having people to look at and think 'Damn, he did so much with his life. What am I going to do?' It makes me feel like I could be important, I just have to work at it and find my own way.

We were given our final assignment for English class this week. It's a paper (essay, though not as typically formal) on personal destinies and how you feel about fate and destiny and purpose and so on. I absolutely love the assignment - mainly because I have strong opinions (positive and negative) about everything on the list.

I guess this is where I end this rant, so as not to drag it on and on. Expect more soon, I have thoughts practically pouring out my ears at the moment.

Sinking Ships.

Well, I hate to start this post out with a television reference - because I hate tv - but like I said, I hate lost. It's ridiculous and sad, and neither in a good way. It's very much like watching a car wreck, we all are familiar with that comparison. It's horrible, and you can't take your eyes off it.

Life lately has been so wonderful. I've been high spirited, more so than ever in my life, and yet I find myself attracted to wrecks constantly. Typically people, or situations. I try to stay out of it, and can't. But it never lasts long, I always manage to slip away, thankfully.

New beginnings. I love them. I'm addicted to change, unlike many people who seem to fear it. It's not that I necessarily like the new destination, but the act of changing is what I love. New school (college) coming up. New blog (I deleted the old one). New everything. And I love it.

School time. Nothing left to do, nothing to be taught curriculum-wise. Let's see what today brings.

Hooray for the Madness...

I don't have much to write about right now. I'm crashing after a large dose of caffeine. So just to introduce myself...

I was born in 1990. Figure out my age yourself, it'll change in a couple months anyways. I'm a vegan, and have been for over 2 years. I've been vegetarian for over 4 years. I feel strongly about animal rights, and I hate when people tease me about my "diet". First - it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. I don't wear leather either. Second - why would you tease me for something I'm so proud of? I don't get it, but I don't need to. I love, love, love, writing. However, I have such a short attention span that I never finish anything. I don't know if I could even finish a short story. I'd love to be an author, but I'd need something extreme to keep me on track. I love reading as well, memoirs lately. Augusten Burroughs and Chuck Palahniuk mainly.

I'm staring college at Syracuse University in the fall. Majoring in Photography, minoring in business - and maybe taking a second minor in fashion as well. After college I want to move to New York City or London...I haven't decided yet. Maybe a semester abroad in the UK would help me decide.

Okay, off to watch my weekly dose of Lost - I've grown to hate the show, really, but I still want to know what happens to the characters. Or what's left of them.

Updates & entries soon, I swear.