Dreaming and Reality.

I rarely remember dreams these days. I recall the reoccurring ones as a child that had me waking with a scream or falling out of bed. I remember a few funny ones, but only bits and pieces. And then last night, I had this dream. These are the details I remember.

I was at school, and I woke up one day and saw that my teeth were cracking and falling out of my mouth. I called my mom, worried, and asked her what to do. She said not to worry, that it happens sometimes when you're sick with (insert weird name here). They would all fall out, and I would have to put them back together. I'd have to put them back in my mouth, and it would hurt, but everything would be okay. I said that I would try, but I wanted to go home and hide from the world with my toothless face. My mom told me that if I stayed at school, in my 'real world', that I would heal faster. 

Wow. At first I just got freaked out about this dream. Then I realized that it was symbolic. More and more so as I picked it apart. The fact that I have braces that are coming off soon hopefully has nothing to do with this.

I go to school only a few miles from home. I like to go home to relax and see my family and my best friend, even though I live in a dorm. Lately I've been losing (not as in misplacing, rather discarding) friends at a growing pace. My roommate said "You know, its ironic that at the beginning of the year you told me how you get new groups of friends often. But you thought this lot would be the 'real' ones. That they would stay. And now you only talk to one or two of them."

Its scary. But my life has been falling apart in little ways for a long time. I know I could control some of it if I tried, but I feel like giving up and crumbling instead. Its too hard, and it hurts to put all this effort in. But according to my dream, I very well need to do so.

A Long Time Away.

A lot has happened in my life. Not too much worth writing down for strangers, but my life keeps pushing foward.

Most recent things:

-Finished my first semester of college! 1 down, 7 to go. WOW. Sounds like a lot less time when put that way. I barely made it through, I have to work harder.

-I have been diagnosed with ADHD at a very late age of 18. It would have helped to know at least from the beginning of college if not through all of high school! I snaked by a lot of the time. But I also found out that I may suck at paying attention, but I am smart and have a fairly high IQ. Anyways, they put me on Adderall, low dose to start, but it's making me crazy. Only helping a little, but almost ALL of the side effects are present. I'm kind of scared [also a side effect]. 

-I have friendship and relationship problems. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I am afraid of. But I'm getting lonely and I feel like my heart is making room for people that I'm just not letting in. 

Not exactly the best mood today. But I'll get over it. Good time for a depressing movie.

Numb.

In a good way, I suppose.

I feel like everything that is happening is so natural and right.

My dorm, my best friends, my new friends, my school, my whole life...

it's all falling into order.

We all know that I love order, being as OCD as I am. 

I feel like I couldn't be in a more perfect place at this time, and it is taking me where I want to go and helping me to become who I want to be. 

It's crazy.

It's weird.

It's not nearly as overwhelming as I thought it would be.

Classes start Monday. 

Maybe that will open my eyes, maybe it will be just another rung on my ladder.

Hooray for the Madness...

I don't have much to write about right now. I'm crashing after a large dose of caffeine. So just to introduce myself...

I was born in 1990. Figure out my age yourself, it'll change in a couple months anyways. I'm a vegan, and have been for over 2 years. I've been vegetarian for over 4 years. I feel strongly about animal rights, and I hate when people tease me about my "diet". First - it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. I don't wear leather either. Second - why would you tease me for something I'm so proud of? I don't get it, but I don't need to. I love, love, love, writing. However, I have such a short attention span that I never finish anything. I don't know if I could even finish a short story. I'd love to be an author, but I'd need something extreme to keep me on track. I love reading as well, memoirs lately. Augusten Burroughs and Chuck Palahniuk mainly.

I'm staring college at Syracuse University in the fall. Majoring in Photography, minoring in business - and maybe taking a second minor in fashion as well. After college I want to move to New York City or London...I haven't decided yet. Maybe a semester abroad in the UK would help me decide.

Okay, off to watch my weekly dose of Lost - I've grown to hate the show, really, but I still want to know what happens to the characters. Or what's left of them.

Updates & entries soon, I swear.