Perhaps,

Perhaps I am a muse.

Often times I feel that I can give all the advice, ideas, and influence away...and keep none for myself. It confuses me. A good idea pops into my head. I try to keep it to myself: write it down, say it, do it. But I generally fall short. 

I can tell you what you should do.

I can give you opinions and ideas.

I can give you the god damn world.

But I can't have any of it for me.

At least I have this blog. And this untitled poem that I wrote:

Words evaporate, dissipate.

When you try to hold on to them, their meanings crumble.

They become distorted.

What you knew in your mind to be so eloquent,

is now garbage. It is worthless.

Words come to me when I cannot understand

what to do with them; or what they do to me.

And so I sigh as they evaporate.

They scatter into thin air, 

perhaps to flutter past my cheek on occasion

whispers in the wind, or from a friend.

The words were never mind to hold.

A Long Time Away.

A lot has happened in my life. Not too much worth writing down for strangers, but my life keeps pushing foward.

Most recent things:

-Finished my first semester of college! 1 down, 7 to go. WOW. Sounds like a lot less time when put that way. I barely made it through, I have to work harder.

-I have been diagnosed with ADHD at a very late age of 18. It would have helped to know at least from the beginning of college if not through all of high school! I snaked by a lot of the time. But I also found out that I may suck at paying attention, but I am smart and have a fairly high IQ. Anyways, they put me on Adderall, low dose to start, but it's making me crazy. Only helping a little, but almost ALL of the side effects are present. I'm kind of scared [also a side effect]. 

-I have friendship and relationship problems. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I am afraid of. But I'm getting lonely and I feel like my heart is making room for people that I'm just not letting in. 

Not exactly the best mood today. But I'll get over it. Good time for a depressing movie.

Paranoia

We may all know right and wrong,
but none of us know truth or reason.