A Long Time Away.

A lot has happened in my life. Not too much worth writing down for strangers, but my life keeps pushing foward.

Most recent things:

-Finished my first semester of college! 1 down, 7 to go. WOW. Sounds like a lot less time when put that way. I barely made it through, I have to work harder.

-I have been diagnosed with ADHD at a very late age of 18. It would have helped to know at least from the beginning of college if not through all of high school! I snaked by a lot of the time. But I also found out that I may suck at paying attention, but I am smart and have a fairly high IQ. Anyways, they put me on Adderall, low dose to start, but it's making me crazy. Only helping a little, but almost ALL of the side effects are present. I'm kind of scared [also a side effect]. 

-I have friendship and relationship problems. I don't know what I want, I don't know what I am afraid of. But I'm getting lonely and I feel like my heart is making room for people that I'm just not letting in. 

Not exactly the best mood today. But I'll get over it. Good time for a depressing movie.

Obama Rally, continued.

Here are some of the pictures that were published in my school's daily newspaper, all from our rally that made front page news for them :]

In the second picture, I'm in the far back of the crowd. I look awful, so I won't point myself out. 

In the third picture (last black and white one), my friend Josh is dead center, with our other friend Sarah to the right. They were on the opposite side of crowd than me.

Hope. Change. Relief.

This was my first election, and I am extremely proud to say I voted for Obama. In fact, I voted democrat across the board, literally.

About six other friends and I started a rally on the Quad at our school, Syracuse University. When not many people were showing up (we only had a dozen or so) we paraded around and collected people; when we got back to the Quad, hundreds of people had showed up - mostly as a result of us and our screaming, running, singing, etc.

I have some pictures and videos...I'll figure out the videos tomorrow. I forgot my real comera, so I ended up with just my cell phone at midnight on the dark Quad. Oh well, another rally at noon tomorrow!  

You ruined everything.

You tore my life apart, like you were a tiny little thread in a very big sweater, and I don't know how to sew. I guess I'll just have to learn.

On an even greater note;

A boy I knew killed himself. Hung himself while waiting to be tried in court. He was 19. I knew him, and his older brother and mother. They were some of the most fun, entertaining, nice people I've met. I only saw them on the 4th of July, but it was several years in a row. "Friend-of-a-family-friend" kind of thing. 

Out of all the hundreds and hundreds of attempted suicides in that facility in the last 13 years, he was one of only three who had ever succeeded. I really, truly, wish he hadn't. 

Last time I saw him, I didn't remember him. And I didn't say hello. I feel like I may vomit right about now.

Fear and Pessimism.

I fear love nearly as much as I fear death; which is more than anything in the world.

I fear death of others more than death of myself, though the ending and uncertainty of it all kills me (figuratively, I didn't mean it as a joke.)

I fear love because of death. Death can claim the people you love. Your "one true love" even.

I realize why I hate romance movies. I hate not having what they have, but I fear what they have even more.

"Happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

Titanic: a story with an ending. was it happy? NO.

I let myself do this, though I don't know why. 

Breathe in. Exhale.