OH. AND.

My mother was comparing me to the patient on House tonight.

A 42-year-old photographer who was divorced and had her gay friend be a sperm donor so that she could have a baby. 

I looked at her, and then realized that would probably be me in...oh god...24 years. Old. Alone. But artistic and holding onto the one thing that could fill a hole in my heart. Only I would rather adopt.

I suppose I gave up on relationships before i ever gave them a chance. Just another phobia on my list. There's something about giving your heart away and trusting someone else to keep it safe that scares me. 

I've given up on a lot of things, which is why i am so dedicated on my career goals. I hate being that girl.