Undecided isn't Neutral, it's Confused.

I've never fallen back into depression so quickly.

Maybe I've just been kidding myself the last few weeks.

At this point I don't know who to trust; my friends or family.

My mom wants me to distance myself from my high school friends, and meet new people at school.

Mostly she wants me to meet a boy.

She thinks I'm depressed now because of my friends, she thinks they are keeping me down.

She's completely right.

But I can't blame them for everything. And you can't choose the people you love.

I can't bring myself to meet all new friends right now.

What's the point?

I'll be in this town for three and a half more years (give and take for semesters abroad in between), so why change my group of friends?

I thought I had finally found the people who loved me for who I was.

But EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS FALLING APART LATELY.

My friends are one of the major reasons I take anti-anxiety pills that aren't mine.

My mom is usually right about these kinds of things though.

Last time something like this happened, I stopped being friends with the person who was causing all the anxiety.

And she thinks its happening again.

I don't want it to happen. I don't want to believe her.

I can't keep losing. it's not fair.

But, unlike me, my mother is a realist.